It’s been a while since I have
written in this blog, which makes sense as it was only ever intended to be
about to my experiences studying and living abroad. Tonight I felt like
writing, so here I am.
In
all honesty, I am not a huge fan of many college-student blogs. A lot of times
the writing seems very self-impressed, with big words thrown in to assure the
reader of the author’s superior vocabulary and intelligence. Having said that,
here is a blog post in which I will probably commit the above-mentioned offenses:
Tonight
a group on campus screened the film “The Invisible War”, a documentary about
the issue of sexual assault and rape in the military. The victims’ testimonies
were heartbreaking, and the injustice of their stories made me feel ashamed as
a human. The existence of a system that punishes rape victims, while condoning
the actions of their violators is disheartening, and makes me feel sick to my
stomach.
My
point in writing this tonight is not to give my opinion on “The Invisible War”,
because it documents a subject that I am not familiar with, and about which I
don’t pretend to be an expert after watching one two-hour documentary. The
point, rather, is the importance in recognizing and discussing real problems,
and my own personal struggle with doing so.
For
the first year and a half of college, I became passionate about many issues, most
of which I had not been aware of before starting school. While this type of
change is somewhat predictable among college students and can be easily mocked
as a phase that we all go through, it is also important to the process of
maturation and finding one’s place in the world. As I started to learn more
about cooking through my work experiences, I found myself curious to learn
about everything associated with food, from the ground to the plate. I had been
lucky enough to work in a restaurant (Nectar) that not only purchased
vegetables and proteins from local farms, but also had its own garden with
herbs, vegetables, and fruit to be used in the restaurant.
Wondering
the importance of locally sourced and sustainable food (Why do chefs care? Why
should I care?), I started reading books and watching films about agriculture
in the U.S. and the rest of the world. I was fascinated by the intricacies of
sustainable farming, and horrified by the practices of many industrial-farming
operations. This served as a catalyst for me to realize and consider the vast
and substantial environmental problems facing our world, and the overwhelming
nature of these problems.
Constantly
dwelling on these environmental issues, in addition to the various issues of
civil injustice (and essentially everything negative in the world), I found
myself in a bad mental state. The problems of the world seemed so large, and I
so small, and I could feel the weight of each problem on my shoulders, my
burden to bear. This feeling started to subside during my semester in Spain, as
I learned to carry less stress and focus only on matters that I could control. I felt liberated, and I could feel the
air and sunlight coming back into my life.
This
trip to Spain, coupled with my experiences upon returning home, changed my
manner of being, or “manera de ser” as
I would have said at the time. While this change was mostly positive, I found
myself avoiding many of the realities of the world in which I was living. So
afraid of the overwhelming worry and stress that I had felt, I chose to ignore
all of the problems about which I had worried in the past. I stopped following
the news, afraid of what new horrors or injustices were being reported and
discussed. While my justification for doing this was to preserve my newfound
mental peace, I was also actively making a decision to be uninformed and to
pretend that everything was OK.
Just
recently I have starting trying to find a balance between these two extremes.
Letting the major problems of the world control one’s emotions on a daily basis
is an unhealthy way to live, and it took a serious toll on my well-being.
However, like any problem, avoidance is only ever a temporary solution. After
all, being apathetic towards the world’s issues is a large perceived fault of
Americans, something that I was undoubtedly harping on about while I was
initially writing this blog two years ago, as I was taking siestas, shoving bocadillos
in my mouth, and going on about all the ways in which “Americans just have so much to learn about life, man”.
So
in the midst of all of this rambling, I think I am finding myself. Maybe writing
this was more for myself than for any real lesson or benefit to the reader (sorry,
bro). The point for me is that I’m glad that I recognized and eliminated a void
that I had created in my life, and that it feels productive to face my fears
and not be intimidated by life. Maybe I will post again soon with something a
little more relevant. Until then:
